A Year to Live Annotation

In A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as if it Were Your Last, author Stephen Levine teaches readers how to live the next year of their life fully and completely, as if it were their last. Levine teaches readers the importance of preparing for death, and shares his ideas on how exercises revolving around this concept can deeply enrich a person’s quality of life.

Levine discusses the importance of forgiveness in preparing to end life. Forgiveness does not excuse the behavior we have been hurt by, but acknowledges the behavior and the strife it resulted in and takes care of “finishing unfinished business” (89). Forgiveness is an important tool in any person’s life, and it certainly has been in mine. I am not a particularly forgiving person to people who I feel have wronged me in some way. Although there have been few people in my life who I have been unable to forgive, I feel the inability I have of letting go of my negative feelings and bitterness towards those people is stifling. I have tried to force myself into forgiveness, but I haven’t been successful. The one experience I have in forgiving someone who hurt me was a truly authentic and natural experience. As a teenager, I had a friend who treated me very poorly. After ending my friendship with this person, I didn’t speak to them for over a year and felt a great deal of anger with them. When we did reconnect, I realized my feelings of anger and bitterness had subsided, and I was at peace with what the relationship used to be, was and could be. Although a deep friendship with this person could never again be achieved, I was happy to have let go of the animosity I felt toward my friend, and was able to be acquainted with her on a neutral level. I have never experienced this sort of forgiveness with anyone else—although I have tried to forgive others, my attempts are always superficial and unsuccessful. Although Levine notes that even unsuccessful attempts have the “considerable power of its intention” (89), I have yet to experience any success in my attempts. Possibly I have made movement in my attempts, and am simply unaware of the gradual change. Nonetheless, I feel Levine’s point is an important one. Being unable to forgive someone just hurts the person who feels they have been wronged, but opening your heart to forgiveness can allow the negative emotions to subside and create more room for acceptance and joy.

Levine discusses the importance of letting go of control and being able to experience the lack of comfort in helplessness. Levine writes about how often people die as the result of declining physical health, and notes the importance of being able to withstand the unease of being helpless. Although I think this is an important exercise in practicing vulnerability, I also think it is a very difficult exercise to completely commit to, especially if you have never seen interacted with someone who is physically helpless. For the last seven years of her life, my grandmother was completely dependent on other people. She required twenty four hour care and needed assistance to move from her bed to her wheelchair. She died slow and painfully and was completely helpless. Although I feel that I could perform one of the exercises Levine suggested, such as allowing someone else to feed or dress me, I feel that my experience would be very emotionally charged, having seen such helplessness firsthand. And, since my experience would be so emotionally involved, it may make my exercise as a helpless individual that much richer.

Levine writes about altars and the role they play in celebrating life. Often people imagine altars to be commemorative, but Levine suggests using them in a celebratory way. “Personal altars can become a substantial accompaniment to a life review,” Levine writes. “Photos and mementos provide a mirror for our life and times. An altar that honors the work still to be done as well as that already completed” (102). To me, constructing an altar seems to be very similar to scrapbooking, which is something I enjoy doing. Scrapbooking allows me to preserve important memories and document my life in a creative and celebratory way. When I flip the pages of my scrapbook, I am able to reflect on my life and the memories I have created. I believe that creating an altar and reflecting on it would have a similar effect. Creating an altar could be very helpful to someone who is preparing to, or is simply practicing, dying. Piecing together scraps of existence in celebration of life is a very celebratory and reflective thing to do, and could be used as a tool in meditation or relaxation.

A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as if it Were Your Last was unlike any other book I have ever read. The book was not just about how to practice dying, but was rather a workshop in how to practice dying. One thing that I think benefited me in reading this book was that unlike many other people my own age, I have faced my own mortality. Having had the experience of dealing with my own mortality, I have dealt with some of the issues Levine presented. My own experience with mortality has also led me to a greater spiritual awareness, which I feel Levine called upon in this book. Levine’s book could be greatly beneficial to a person who wanted to get the most out of the remaining time in their life, or a person who wanted to practice dying.

Deep Survival Annotation

In Deep Survival, Laurence Gonzales writes about survival, and strives to answer three questions: Who lives? Who dies? And why? Gonzales artfully weaves science and true life stories of survival together in his book, creating a book based in science, philosophy and true life stories. This book is meaningful to me because of how relevant the content is to me as a cancer survivor; On that level I found a great deal of information in the book that I identified with.

One point Gonzales makes that I find to be very valuable is about being able to build up a “familiarization” with pain. On page 183, he writes, “You have to practice hurting. There is no question about it…You have to practice being hazed. You have to learn to take a bunch of junk and accept it with a sense of humor.” These words are meaningful to me on both a physical and emotional level. Physically, I think about the marathon I am currently training for. My weekend long runs began at six miles, which is a short distance for individuals who compete in endurance competitions. Gradually, they will build up to a maximum distance of twenty miles. Although the distance is what determines how long I will be running, it is really the amount of time I spend running that matters. In running a marathon, you need to be familiar with physical fatigue and pain—no matter how fit a marathoner is, they will be in pain by the time they complete the race. My gradual familiarization with physical hurting is teaching me how to withstand and endure physical discomfort, so on race day I can be strong and ready to run through the pain. On an emotional level, these words make me think about my experience as a cancer patient. Although my experience with cancer was emotionally grueling, I have learned and gained so much as a patient and survivor. Dealing with cancer at eighteen years old taught me many things; one of them being having a sense of humor about uncomfortable circumstances. During my illness, I enjoyed laughing at “Top Ten” lists for cancer patients. Some of my favorites are the “Top Ten Worst Responses If Someone Tells You They Have Cancer” and the “Top Ten Ways to Disturb the Waiting Room.” Although I never used humor as a defense mechanism to prevent myself from dealing with my illness, it was a helpful tool that alleviated some of the stress and pressure I felt.

Gonzales also discusses the essence of the survival instinct in survivors. On page 224 he writes, “Like all true survivors, Callahan was not doing it just for himself. Survivors are always connected to loved ones, friends, society. They survive because they are rescuing the species, not just themselves. It’s another paradox of survival: The individual doesn’t matter. But the survival instinct of the individual must matter if the species is to survive. That’s one reason survivors do it for another.” This passage makes me think about my experience as a cancer survivor. As soon as I completed my cancer treatments, I felt a call to action. I felt like I had been given a second chance--and, I thought I owed it to cancer. I immediately got interested and involved in fundraising and service efforts concerned with cancer. I fundraised and ran a half marathon with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and began volunteering at a camp in Maine for children with chronic or life threatening illnesses and their families during oncology sessions. Professionally, I aspire to work with individuals and families who are dealing with cancer or other life threatening illnesses in a clinical social work capacity. Throughout the past three years, the work I have done surrounding cancer has become a passion of mine, and I know the essence of survival is at the core of what I do.

The last section of the book, detailing steps survivors take to stay out of harm’s way was particularly meaningful to me. None of the steps are concrete rules that one might think they would be--Gonzales doesn’t describe how to start a fire in the wilderness or how to find food if stranded on a tropical island. But, he does describe how to keep your mental and emotional self in the role of “survivor.” Nearly every step listed is something that I feel cancer survivors must do in order to ensure survivorship. There were a couple steps in particular that I identified with. Gonzales writes, “Believe that you will succeed (develop a deep conviction that you’ll live)” (290). To have a positive self fulfilling prophecy is vital to individuals dealing with a life threatening illness--the power of a person who believes they will survive is insurmountable. On page 289, Gonzales writes, “See the beauty (remember: it’s a vision quest).” This step is also very important to survivors--although it is very difficult to escape the intense emotions that accompany tragic circumstances, seeing the silver lining in a negative situation can be incredibly uplifting. Although it was difficult for me to see any positive aspect to my own illness, I did embrace the love and support I received from family and friends. I was especially grateful for my mother and her intuitive response to take on the role as my patient advocate throughout the duration of my illness. From the beginning to the end, from each doctor appointment to treatment session, my mother was by my side the entire way. She asked questions of the doctors I had never thought of and took up in my defense when she thought doctors may not be acting in my best possible interest. I was so grateful for the protection my mother offered to me as her child, I saw that as the most beautiful aspect of my difficult circumstance.

I have conflicted feelings about Deep Survival. I found the first half of the book (which dealt with how accidents happen) difficult to enjoy and read, but the second half (which dealt with survivorship) easier to read and identify with. Although I think this book is appealing to a wide variety of readers, the science that is so deeply woven into the text could make the content difficult to understand for a layperson. Despite this, there are a great deal of lessons and strategies present in this book for how to effectively help people. Overall, I was pleased that I was able to identify several concepts of survival that I was familiar with from my own personal experience.

Don't Bother Me Mom--I'm Learning!

In Marc Prensky’s book Don’t Bother Me Mom--I’m Learning!, Prensky explores and discusses computer and video gaming playing in children and adolescents. Prensky’s optimistic outlook on the technology is the overriding voice throughout the text.

On page 123, Prensky writes, “Sharon Sloane’s company, Will Interactive, makes games that change negative behavior such as drinking, smoking, and unsafe sex. Many of her products are used by the U.S. military to educate and improve the health of our soldiers, sailors, and airmen.” The idea of a video game changing an undesirable behavior, such as underage drinking, in adolescents or young adults is outlandish. For an adolescent or young adult who is displaying negative behaviors, a video game is one of the last resources that would prompt them to modify their behavior. Typically, a person who is prompted to change their behavior does so because they have a personal reason to
change--they stop smoking because their father was diagnosed with lung cancer, or stop driving while intoxicated because of a friend who got into a drunk driving accident. Or, they simply mature and grow out of irresponsible behaviors. Not only is Prensky’s statement unlikely, but it is also unfounded--where is the research or date backing up this claim? This “half-baked idea” would have been better off left out of the book.

On page 130, Prensky throws out another “half-baked” idea that is both unsubstantiated and unreasonable. He approaches the debate about cell phone usage in schools, and reasons that cell phones can actually help students learn while in school. Prensky proposes that students can use cell phones to take exams, listen to a teacher’s lecture, or study for the GRE. Although this idea is “innovative” at best, it is also highly controversial and something that the vast majority of school systems in the U.S. would be against. On a more basic level, pop quizzes cell phones simply seem unnecessary--why would students need to take a quiz on a cell phone when paper and pencil or a computer based quiz are perfectly efficient?

The one passage in Prensky’s book that seemed well thought out and logical was the story by Professor Jim Gee about how he raised his child in a way that technology was a natural, everyday part of his life. Gee’s strategy in introducing his child to technology at a young age was the most helpful part of this book. Not did his strategy in how he introduced his child to technology make sense, but the reasons he introduced technology to his child at such a young age made sense too.

Overall, I thought this book was a largely unfounded argument that had to reach leaps and bounds to make rational points about why and how video and computer games are beneficial to children and adolescents. Although Prensky acknowledged the opposing side of the argument, he didn’t discuss their opposition enough--expanding on this portion of the book would strengthen Prensky’s argument. The other major facet of this book that is missing is data or research backing up Prensky’s claims. He presents minimal research defending his position and discusses ideas that are not thought out or substantiated by any outside source. There is almost no learning to be done from this book about anything concerning the helping field--except that Prensky could use help when he writes his next book.

Aqumarine Blue 5 Annotation

Aquamarine Blue 5 is a collection of narrative essays by college students who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Editor Dawn Price Hughes also plays the role of essayist, and writes about the role AS has played in her life.

One of the first points in the book that I think can help others understand people dealing with AS is made by Darius. On page thirty three he writes, “I work part-time, because I need a sizeable portion of the week to ‘reload.’ It is not the work itself that is a problem, but having to be around other people is very tiring for me.” This point was very eye opening for me. I had thought about people with AS working part-time rather than full-time because the work environment may be over stimulating, but it hasn’t occurred to me that the people in the work environment would provide the over stimulation. I think this is important to keep in mind for employers. It is important professional level, part-time work be available for people with AS. Many employers probably don’t understand why an intelligent, otherwise high functioning person with AS needs to work on a part-time basis, but this piece of information from Darius illustrates why.

The second point in the book that struck me was Angie’s story. Her essay, on page seventy six, was so sad and hopeless that it was painful to read. It sounds like many people in her life are impatient or uncompassionate towards her as a person who deals with AS. I think if people in her life who hadn’t always offered her kindness or support were able to read her essay they would be moved to act differently. In all arenas of life it is important to be sensitive to other’s life circumstances--Angie’s story reminded me of this, which is a very important lesson in the helping field.
The last point that really struck me deals with what I understand to be a popular misconception about people dealing with mental disabilities or illness. On page eighty eight, Doug discusses being clinically depressed, primarily because of his lack of social life. He writes, “For several years, including all of my time in grad school, I was clinically depressed. My social difficulties were almost certainly both a cause and an effect of this.”

I think many people assume individuals with AS aren’t truly aware of there social singularity. Doug’s essay lets us know otherwise. It is important that people recognize the negative effects of being socially excluded so often. Doug’s essay made me think about how a little bit of social contact, with a person who is otherwise socially isolated, can go a long way.

I think Aquamarine Blue 5 is a very complete book. The essayists covered so many topics--childhood, adolescence, adulthood, academics, dating, family and the social world were just a few of the topics that the authors wrote about. The only critique I have is the one we discussed in class: do most people AS have a positive outlook on life? There was only one truly depressing story in the book (Angie’s), and while other writers shared that they had at times felt very down or depressed about living with AS, most essays focused on the obstacles they had overcome and how they had found happiness in things in their life. Does this translate over to the general population of people dealing with AS? Maybe the optimistic outlook is a good thing though. It is almost always more encouraging to think about and discuss good things rather than bad--and I think in Aquamarine Blue 5, this is true. Hopefully this book can give hope to others who are dealing with AS and help them see that life with AS can be productive and happy.

How Can I Help?

In Ram Dass and Paul Gorman’s book How Can I Help? the nature of helping is dissected. Dass and Gorman discuss compassion, suffering, listening, burnout and other topics intrinsically related to service. There are a few points throughout the text that particularly caught my attention. Each of the points that caught my attention touched personally on some level.

The first passage that spoke to me was on page 14. Dass and Gorman write, “We may have a difficult time facing the suffering of others because we don’t know how to deal with our own pain and fear.” This statement struck me because of the deeply personal experience I had that affirms this. When I was in my last year of high school I received a cancer diagnosis. Although I had a few close friends who were very supportive and open in discussing what I was going through, a number of my friends were very uncomfortable addressing the situation at all. Although I never wanted any of my friends to treat me differently than they did before I was diagnosed, I did expect they would display some level compassion towards my untypical circumstances. At the time I was upset with them because I recognized that they were putting their own comfort, or discomfort rather, before my own. I chalked it up to a personality flaw and lack of compassion and tried to spend more time with the friends who recognized that cancer was a big part of my life that couldn’t be ignored. Since my experience, I am acutely aware of the fact that people often don’t recognize the pain or suffering of others as a reaction to their own discomfort. Unfortunately, I think the best way for a person to overcome this discomfort is to have to deal with pain or suffering on a personal level. However, I do believe it is possible for people to recognize this trait in themselves and make a commitment to overcoming or working through their discomfort.

The next passage that I will discuss touched me on a personal level as well. On page 62 the authors write, “Compassion and pity are very different. Whereas compassion reflects the yearning of the heart to merge and take on some of the suffering, pity is a controlled set of thoughts designed to assure separateness. Compassion is the spontaneous response to love; pity, the involuntary relax of fear.” Although the difference between compassion and pity was never intellectually evident to me before I read this passage, I was very aware of the emotional difference between the two. When I see film footage of HIV and AIDS victims suffering in Africa, I feel pity. Because I have never known someone who is coping with HIV or AIDS, it is difficult for me to feel a genuine emotional attachment to the victims. I am emotionally touched by their destitute situation, but am not emotionally invested enough to act, or help. However, when I see children and families dealing with a child who has received a cancer diagnosis, I feel compassion. So much compassion in fact, that I regularly volunteer at Camp Sunshine in Maine, a camp for children and families who have a child who has received a cancer diagnosis. Being at Camp Sunshine, I feel genuine love and affection towards the children and families I work with. Because I am a cancer survivor, I can empathize with the individuals and families I work with, and feel a compassionate obligation to do whatever I can to improve the well being of the children and families at Camp Sunshine.

The final point that really moved me is on page 236. Dass and Gorman write, “There is no reason why we cannot bring this quality to any human exchange. Any act that can be performed in the spirit of unity can turn out to be helpful.” This statement reminded me of the quote “I am just looking for that dare to be great situation.” Since the first time I heard this quote about “daring to be great,” I have always been bothered by its connotation. This point in Dass and Gorman’s book affirms what it is that irritates me. To me, helping, or serving others, is a dare to be great situation. However, it is not one that most people seek out. Volunteering--the typical helping activity that most people think of when they hear the word “service”--is something that has been abandoned by most Americans and is left up to retired senior citizens and high school seniors trying to get into college. I believe that individuals need to create their own dare to be great situations. Very rarely are we provided the opportunity to rescue a child from getting hit by a car, or save a dog from a burning building. But, everyday we are provided with choices on how to expend our time and energy. My hope is that more people will seek out a dare to be great situation--volunteering their time to teach a person how to read or running a marathon to raise money for a charity (like me!).

Overall, I felt Dass and Gorman’s book to be very complete in its content. I don't feel there is anything missing from the book's content, and I am not left with any questions that I wish the authors could answer. Although the book wasn’t something I would of read on my own, I do feel I have gained some valuable insights to what it means to be involved in a service oriented career. I enjoyed the vignettes included in the book that highlighted important moments in service for real people. Although I wouldn’t necessarily read this book again, I would recommend it to others who are in, or are considering getting into, a “helping” profession because I believe they could gain something from the book, just as I did.