How Can I Help?

In Ram Dass and Paul Gorman’s book How Can I Help? the nature of helping is dissected. Dass and Gorman discuss compassion, suffering, listening, burnout and other topics intrinsically related to service. There are a few points throughout the text that particularly caught my attention. Each of the points that caught my attention touched personally on some level.

The first passage that spoke to me was on page 14. Dass and Gorman write, “We may have a difficult time facing the suffering of others because we don’t know how to deal with our own pain and fear.” This statement struck me because of the deeply personal experience I had that affirms this. When I was in my last year of high school I received a cancer diagnosis. Although I had a few close friends who were very supportive and open in discussing what I was going through, a number of my friends were very uncomfortable addressing the situation at all. Although I never wanted any of my friends to treat me differently than they did before I was diagnosed, I did expect they would display some level compassion towards my untypical circumstances. At the time I was upset with them because I recognized that they were putting their own comfort, or discomfort rather, before my own. I chalked it up to a personality flaw and lack of compassion and tried to spend more time with the friends who recognized that cancer was a big part of my life that couldn’t be ignored. Since my experience, I am acutely aware of the fact that people often don’t recognize the pain or suffering of others as a reaction to their own discomfort. Unfortunately, I think the best way for a person to overcome this discomfort is to have to deal with pain or suffering on a personal level. However, I do believe it is possible for people to recognize this trait in themselves and make a commitment to overcoming or working through their discomfort.

The next passage that I will discuss touched me on a personal level as well. On page 62 the authors write, “Compassion and pity are very different. Whereas compassion reflects the yearning of the heart to merge and take on some of the suffering, pity is a controlled set of thoughts designed to assure separateness. Compassion is the spontaneous response to love; pity, the involuntary relax of fear.” Although the difference between compassion and pity was never intellectually evident to me before I read this passage, I was very aware of the emotional difference between the two. When I see film footage of HIV and AIDS victims suffering in Africa, I feel pity. Because I have never known someone who is coping with HIV or AIDS, it is difficult for me to feel a genuine emotional attachment to the victims. I am emotionally touched by their destitute situation, but am not emotionally invested enough to act, or help. However, when I see children and families dealing with a child who has received a cancer diagnosis, I feel compassion. So much compassion in fact, that I regularly volunteer at Camp Sunshine in Maine, a camp for children and families who have a child who has received a cancer diagnosis. Being at Camp Sunshine, I feel genuine love and affection towards the children and families I work with. Because I am a cancer survivor, I can empathize with the individuals and families I work with, and feel a compassionate obligation to do whatever I can to improve the well being of the children and families at Camp Sunshine.

The final point that really moved me is on page 236. Dass and Gorman write, “There is no reason why we cannot bring this quality to any human exchange. Any act that can be performed in the spirit of unity can turn out to be helpful.” This statement reminded me of the quote “I am just looking for that dare to be great situation.” Since the first time I heard this quote about “daring to be great,” I have always been bothered by its connotation. This point in Dass and Gorman’s book affirms what it is that irritates me. To me, helping, or serving others, is a dare to be great situation. However, it is not one that most people seek out. Volunteering--the typical helping activity that most people think of when they hear the word “service”--is something that has been abandoned by most Americans and is left up to retired senior citizens and high school seniors trying to get into college. I believe that individuals need to create their own dare to be great situations. Very rarely are we provided the opportunity to rescue a child from getting hit by a car, or save a dog from a burning building. But, everyday we are provided with choices on how to expend our time and energy. My hope is that more people will seek out a dare to be great situation--volunteering their time to teach a person how to read or running a marathon to raise money for a charity (like me!).

Overall, I felt Dass and Gorman’s book to be very complete in its content. I don't feel there is anything missing from the book's content, and I am not left with any questions that I wish the authors could answer. Although the book wasn’t something I would of read on my own, I do feel I have gained some valuable insights to what it means to be involved in a service oriented career. I enjoyed the vignettes included in the book that highlighted important moments in service for real people. Although I wouldn’t necessarily read this book again, I would recommend it to others who are in, or are considering getting into, a “helping” profession because I believe they could gain something from the book, just as I did.